$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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