I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
