Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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