We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
