we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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