worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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