My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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