She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
