So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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