I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
