I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
