My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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