Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
