This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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