I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
