My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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