I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
