im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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