I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
