her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
