Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
