batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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