We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
