Can Purell be used as lube?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
