My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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