When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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