Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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