This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
