i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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