I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
