How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
