i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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