her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
