Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
