I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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