so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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