It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
