We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
