bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
