Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
