Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The power of my boobs compel you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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