oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
