she was so not down for the gang bang
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
