Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
