Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
