help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
