We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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