Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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