What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
