he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
