My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
