my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
