Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
