My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
