How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
