she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
