i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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