WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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