did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
