hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
