there's paper in my vomit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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