The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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