I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
