i love accidental penises.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
